Top of the Pops Review of the 80's (28/12/1989)

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

Mike Read: “Hi. Welcome to our farewell party.”
Paul Gambaccini: “It's time to say goodbye to the eighties.”
Mike Read: “We have Police, the [can't make out, sounds like Brits?]*, we have Madness to Madonna. They're all here in tonight's party.”
Paul Gambaccini: “In the studio or on video. All your favourites here. We begin with the most consistently successful group of the eighties. Status Quo, Burning Bridges.”
*I cannot work out what Mike Read says here, or even guess at a word which would make sense in context.

 STATUS QUO: BURNING BRIDGES: “That was a dreadful rag bag programme and was thought of such at the time within TVC; it was put together very last minute and some of guest choices were definitely a case of who was around rather than genuinely representing the 80s.” That's Richard Marson, writer, television producer and director, who was working for the BBC at the time, commenting on the Review of the 80's at Roobarb's DVD Forum.

Maybe this explains why the first act is Status Quo. The same group who, less than a year ago, played out the 25 Years of Top of the Pops. Does the Top of the Pops office have them on speed dial? And why are they singing 1988's Burning Bridges? A song slightly over a year old. What about 1983's Marguerita Time, that got to [3]. Or 1980's What You're Proposing, [2]. Or In The Army Now, from 1986 which also got to [2].

I get that Status Quo had ten Top 10 songs in the decade (it's not quite 1 a year, their two 1989 singles didn't break the Top 40). I get that they're successful. I get that they are popular. I get that their answerphone message is “we'll do it.” But it bodes poorly for the the rest of the studio acts. Right from the start, this review of the eighties feels past its sell by date.

Broadly speaking, all Brian Whitehouse and his team need to do is repeat the success of 25 Years of Top of the Pops which hit on the ideal format at the end of 1988. A mix of old clips and representative studio performances. A few talking heads would be nice but not essential. Most importantly, the programme should be built around 10 studio performances to represent each year. A show like this takes work. Or you can call Status Quo.

 

Top of the Pops 21 December 1989

 Words: Chris Arnsby

 Anthea Turner: “Hello. Good evening and welcome to the very last chart Top of the Pops before that Christmas spectacular.”

Bruno Brookes: “Yup, absolutely. Bros and Sonia and a brand new number one coming later. First of all a climber of ten places to number thirty here are the FPI Project going Back To Their Roots.”

 [30] F.P.I. PROJECT present RICH IN PARADISE: going back to my roots. The hosts introducing the show from the Crow's Nest! Quantel transitions used as part of the performance! No. Paul Ciani isn't back but it's odd how much Stanley Appel decides to ape his preferred format for the final “real” Top of the Pops. (The next two are the Christmas Day show and a look back at the eighties.)

Top of the Pops 14th December 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

Nicky Campbell: “Welcome to Top of the Pops. We have got the best shirts on television. We're going to start with Rob and Raz featuring Leila K. A bit of Swedish house music. And every Swedish house has a sauna and like this, like a sauna, it's hot, steamy and enervating. Got to give it.”

 [13] ROB 'N' RAZ featuring Leila K: got to get. The problem with Nicky Campbell showing me how smart he is, is that it makes me all the more delighted when he cocks up. I am small and petty. It's a delight that he gets the name of the song wrong right after he has opened the top of his head to show you all the folds in his cerebellum. Also, his shirt is vile. Somewhere in TV Centre reception a building manager is furious at the Nicky-Campbell-torso-shaped hole in his carpet. The fact that Campbell has found two people with equally poor taste in shirts just goes to demonstrate the mess that was Thatcher's Britain. And that's it. No more booing at Nicky Campbell this week.

Top of the Pops 7 December 1989

Words: Chris Arnsby.

Mark Goodier: “Hello. Good evening. Welcome to Britain's favourite pop show. We have the charts and we have Britain's number one and all the new entries and it's all in stereo on Radio 1FM. Let's start tonight with a huge Top 10 smash. Here comes Big Fun. Can't Shake The Feeling.”

 [8] BIG FUN: can't shake the feeling. Big Fun are on the Main Stage and it doesn't look like it did last week. The wings of the stage are back where they usually are. Clearly the unusual placement last week was a one off.

When Top of the Pops starts, the camera cranes up to find Mark Goodier in the Crow's Nest over the main stage. Stanley Appel doesn't like doing that, has Paul Ciani returned? Nope. This week's Producer (and Director) is Brian Whitehouse, not seen since 22/12/1988.

Top of the Pops 23rd & 30th November 1989

 

Words by Chris Arnsby

23/11/1989

Jakki Brambles: “Hello and welcome along to the UK's top music show. Amongst others tonight we've got three great British bands and Jenny Powell.”
Jenny Powell: “Yeah pleased to meet you Jakki...
Jakki Brambles: [overlapping] “You too my love...
Jenny Powell: “… put it there. [They shake hands]. First things first. Three lovely lads. They're called Big Fun. Song's called Can't Shake The Feeling. And they're at number twenty seven this week.”

 [27] BIG FUN: can't shake the feeling. What are Big Fun wearing on their feet? Awful clumpy khaki boots which look a couple of sizes too big. Doctor Frankenstein would reject these for his monster. Unfortunately the lads have been coached in a dance routine which often involves them wiggling on the spot. The result, it look like the shoes have been nailed to the stage and the trio have stepped into them for the performance.

Top of the Pops 9th & 16th November 1989

Words: Chris Arnsby

09/11/1989

Nicky Campbell: “Well, Chancellors of the Exchequer may come and go but Top of the Pops is always here. Tonight is an extravaganza of rare exuberance. What a cast. Too many stars to mention just now. We're going to start with something that you're really going to enjoy. Welcome Electribe 101.”

[32] ELECTRIBE 101: tell me when the fever ended. Nicky Campbell really grates this week. He's hitting all the big words to show you his big brain and it reminds me why I never warmed to his 10pm show on Radio 1. I found him smug and self satisfied. If he was chocolate, he'd eat himself. As my nan would have said. Anyway, I'll never finish this write up unless I play my Steve Wright rules and limit myself to one criticism. Assume I'm groaning and rolling my eyes during all the links and use your imagination as to which of the bad words got used.

Nigel Lawson resigned two weeks ago (see 26/10/1989). To add a little context to Nicky Campbell's seemingly out of date reference  the affair dragged on and on. By this point it had settled down to mud slinging over whether Mrs Thatcher had or hadn't been told that Lawson would go if her special adviser Alan Walters stayed. Mrs T said she hadn't been told. Mr L said she had. Its the political version of Den and Angie arguing over custody for Roly. Meanwhile, on the night this episode was broadcast the Berlin wall was coming down.

Top of the Pops Triple Decker! 19, 26 Oct & 2 Nov 1989

 

19/10/89

Words: Chris Arnsby

Mark Goodier: “Good evening and welcome to the best of BBC radio and television together. It's Radio 1FM and BBC1 for Top of the Pops. We have the full top forty rundown tonight and Britain's brand new number one. We start with the third straight hit for D Mob with Cathy Dennis. This is C'mon And Get My Love."

 [36] D MOB introducing CATHY DENNIS: c'mon and get my love. Mark Goodier is excited, observe his little kangaroo jumps when he spins to look at the main stage. Of course an excited Mark Goodier is still Mark Goodier, it's like someone has put a party hat on a plate of boiled potatoes and rice.

Top of the Pops 12 October 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

Gary Davies: “Hello. Good evening and welcome to Top of the Pops, we have a great show for you tonight. In the studio we have Cliff Richard, Sinitta, Belinda Carlisle, Living in a Box but first we start off with a guy who was last on Top of the Pops a year ago with On the Beach. Here's a new entry at twenty six with Road to Hell, here's Chris Rea.

 [26] CHRIS REA: the road to hell (part 2). Gary Davies gets the wrong caption. In fact, now I check, Steve Wright and Jakki Brambles also got the wrong format caption last week. Come on guys, a little consistency please. Or have the Powers That Be decided they hate the new-style target captions and gone back to the old-school asterisk ones? I hope they make up their mind soon because I keep spelling asterisk as asterix (damn you Goscinny and Uderzo) and I'll be glad to never mention this ***** topic again.

Meanwhile, Chris Rea is on the road to hell where I hear the paving is really nice. The album splits The Road to Hell into two tracks with a total running time around nine minutes, far too long for Top of the Pops. What we have here is Part 2, also released as a single, and shaved back from the single's running time of 4:35 to around three minutes. Part one, which is a study in atmosphere and synth groans and biblical lyrics, runs to another 4:52.

Top of the Pops 5 October 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

Steve Wright: “Hi!! Hello and good evening and welcome to another Top of the Pops!! This is Jakki Brambles!! I'm Steve Wright!!”

Jakki Brambles: “Okay we've got a brilliant show coming up for you. This is the second hit for Double Trouble and the Rebel MC. We are talking a wicked tune. A winning collaboration. This is Street Tuff.”

[12] REBEL MC DOUBLE TROUBLE: street tuff. The song which inspired one of the few bits of the Steve Wright in the Afternoon show that stick in my memory. “Is he a Yankee. No he's a pratt.” That was part of the jingle for Steve Wright's character Mr. Spoons. I have no idea what Mr. Spoons did but I'm sure he was wicked zany to the max.

Top of the Pops 28 September 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

Sybil Ruscoe: “Good evening and welcome to Britain's best pop music show, in brilliant stereo on lead-free Radio 1. Tonight we're making history.”

Jenny Powell: “Yeah Sybil. We must be the only two girls to present Top of the Pops, mustn't we? Well to start the show we've got Sydney Youngblood he's number four with If Only I Could.”

[4] SYDNEY YOUNGBLOOD: if only i could. Lead-free? Sybil's topical reference refers to EU legislation which required unleaded petrol to be widely available from October 1989. And the week of 25 September to 1 October was named as National Lead-Free Petrol Week by CLEAR (the Campaign for LEad free AiR -who designed that acronym?). There was a lot of excitement and confusion about what this would mean for the man on the Clapham omnibus, besides lower levels of lead in his blood. The result was reports like this from Top Gear “on the mysteries of going green.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bngMZhYgYg.

Top of the Pops 21 September 1989

 

Nicky Campbell: “Woah. Welcome to indisputably the nation's top pop show. What an opener we've got for you tonight. They're frenetic, flamboyant, fun loving, the lot. You can tell from their name that they come from Germany. They're here tonight with Harlem Desire. The one and only, the two and only, London Boys.”

[21] LONDON BOYS: harlem desire. Stanley Appel doesn't like starting Top of the Pops with the host in the crow's nest. What's that all about? My best guess, he doesn't want to deal with the slight additional crowd wrangling involved in starting the show on the audience, panning the crane up to the hosts (while the Floor Manager shuffles the audience off the stage as quickly and quietly as possible), and then back down to the main stage.

Top of the Pops 14 Sept 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

Simon Mayo: “Hello. Good evening. Welcome. It's another one of those BBC1 and Radio 1 simulcast things.”
Andy Crane: “And on the show tonight we've got Madonna. We've got Tina Turner. And we've got Simon Mayo.”
Simon Mayo: “First of all. It's a jump to the left [Andy Crane, Simon Mayo, and everyone else jumps]. It's a step to the right [Simon Mayo steps, everyone else jumps -including Andy Crane, the clot]. It's got to be Damian.”
Andy Crane: “And the Time Warp. Over there.”
Simon Mayo: “Number seven.”

[7] DAMIAN: the time warp. Good news everyone. Top of the Pops has finally remembered how to do the new look captions they introduced on 24/08/1989. Right style, right graphics. Right colours. Excellent. Now do it again, next week. Damian is back rocking the same Joker look but a different wardrobe.

Top of the Pops 31 August & 7 September 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

31/08/1989
“Stand by luvvies. Have a good show.” With that and a short snippet of music that I, and Shazam, cannot identify we're off into the titles for a live edition.

 Gary Davies: “Hello. A very good evening to you. Welcome to a special Top of the Pops. Special because we are live from Television Centre. Special because it's a year ago tonight that we first started to broadcast Top of the Pops in stereo on Radio 1FM. It's special because we've got Jason, Mark, and Phil to open us up. Here's Big Fun.”

 [6] BIG FUN; blame it on the boogie. Gary Davies' caption is in the wrong style. Someone has selected the old look with an asterisk at both ends rather than the new one which debuted last week. Let's blame it on the pressure of a live show and move on.

I don't have anything new to add about Big Fun, after their first appearance on 10/08/1989. That's okay because apparently no one else is bringing anything new to the programme either. The dance routine is identical and, because I'm a glutton for punishment, I synchronised both performances and found Paul Ciani seems to be using the same camera script as well.

Top of the Pops 17th and 24th August 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

17/08/1989

Nicky Campbell: “Hello, welcome to another unashamedly brilliant and superlative Top of the Pops. We've got Neneh Cherry, Alice Cooper, Jody Watley, everything and the girl. Anthea Turner.” 
Anthea Turner: “Thank you very much Nicky! Hey! Have I got an honest face?!
Nicky Campbell: “Scrupulously.”
Anthea Turner: “Believe me! Italian dance music's going to be the biggest thing to hit this country! And Black Box are here!”

 [11] BLACK BOX: ride on time. Call me Mr Cynical but I'm not sure I fully buy Anthea Turner's expert knowledge of Italian dance music and it's forthcoming impact on this country. Nicky Campbell has an odd look on his face, like he's primed Anthea Turner with this insight and is now trying to suppress a smirk. [Obligatory comment about Nicky Campbell always looking like that, goes here].

The opening to the show is a single camera shot, although it doesn't stand out because of the range of motion the camera goes through. From the opening pan up to the hosts, back down to the main stage, and then the pull back across the studio while the introduction to Ride on Time plays. Then there's some light editing trickery. After the transition, the hand held camera shot looking out into the studio comes from a different take because otherwise there's no time for the camera operator to get into position. It's unusual for Top of the Pops to cheat footage like this but it must have been irresistible because it perfectly captures the change in energy between the introduction and the song.

Top of the Pops 10 August 1989

 Words: Chris Arnsby

Bruno Brookes: “Good evening. It's Thursday night. Top of the Pops night of course. Europe's number one TV pop show. Five live acts on the show this evening.”
Sybil Ruscoe: “Now the Jackson's did it in the seventies. In the eighties it's Big Fun. In at twenty five with Blame It On The Boogie. Down there.”

[25] BIG FUN: blame it on the boogie. Derek Slee is having fun with the Lighting. He's conspired with the visual effects assistant to work out a little routine for the chorus. “Don't blame it on the sunshine” studio lights darken, a thunderflash is set off. “Don't blame it on the moonlight,” studio lights colour the stage midnight blue, another thunderflash. “Don't blame it on the good times,” bring the studio lights back up, tinted red. “Blame it on the boogie,” flash the lights a bit.

It doesn't work every time. I guess the studio lights can't cope with too much turning on and off. And the VFX Department isn't made of thunderflashes.

Top of the Pops 3 August 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby
Steve Wright: “Hope you're having a good summer!! Good evening welcome to Top of the Pops!! I'm Steve Wright!! Here's Jenny Powell!!”
Jenny Powell: “Yeah. It's very nice to be working with you Steve.”
Steve Wright: “Thank you!!”
Jenny Powell: “Well the first band tonight come from Glasgow. They're three teenagers in the band, err, they're called Gun, I think...”
Steve Wright: “They are!!”
Jenny Powell: “...I think they're going to be a big hit. Here's Better Days.”

[33] GUN: better days. The guitarist at stage right has dirty great holes in his trouser legs. Is this a first sighting of pre-distressed jeans, that nineties fashion essential.

Sorry Gun. That's all I've got. Well done for not jumping when the thunderflashes go off. (John- I've got a fact for you, the drummer on this is called Scott Shields and he went on to compose music scores for films such as Black Hawk Down, Stardust, Bend It Like Beckham, Kick Ass and many more.)

Top of the Pops 20 & 27 July 1989

 

20/07/1989

Gary Davies: “Hello, good evening, hope you're well. Welcome to Top of the Pops on BBC1 and also in stereo on Radio 1FM. If you want to see ten chart topping acts in thirty minutes, you're in the right place. In the studio tonight we've got...”
Girl to the left of Gary Davies: “Monie Love.”
Girl to the right of Gary Davies: “Blow Monkeys”.
Girl to the right of the girl to the right of Gary Davies: “Sonia.”
Gary Davies: “We start off with the London Boys.”

[2] LONDON BOYS: london nights. Paul Ciani is away, so Stanley Appel takes over the Producing and Directing duties. Stanley has not done this for a while. His last credit was (I think, take this with a pinch of salt because it's from IMDB) 08/09/1988.

Stanley is not here to make waves. There's no really big differences between this and a Paul Ciani show. There is however one small difference. Gary Davies introduces the first act from one of the studio bridges rather than the Crow's Nest. Ring those changes, Stanley!

The London Boys have a well practiced routine. Check out the smooth way Edem Ephraim hands his microphone to Dennis Fuller before doing a backflip. The passing of the microphone is done during a move where both London Boys splay their arms, it's so smooth it's essentially unnoticeable. More obvious is when Dennis has to chuck it back to Edem, while the crowd whoop at the backflip.

Top of the Pops: 6th & 13th July 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby
06/07/1989

Nicky Campbell: “Hello and welcome to another sizzling edition of Top of the Pops on BBC1 and Radio 1FM. Starting tonight with an absolute fairytale. A dream come true. She's eighteen. She's from Liverpool. She was discovered by Stock, Aitken, and Waterman. Her first record is the highest climber in the chart. Here she is. Sonia.”

[12] SONIA: you'll never stop me from loving you. I have nothing constructive to say about Sonia. I didn't like her in 1989 and I haven't warmed to her since although I'm sure she's a lovely person in real life who stops to stroke cats on the street, etc.

Time and changing social mores have not been kind to this hymn to stalking which sets out its stall with the opening lines: “Even when you're home/You won't pick up your phone/And take my call.” It doesn't get any better from there.

Top of the Pops 29 June 1989

 Words: Chris Arnsby

Bonus master tape bit: Images from a rewinding VT. A wide shot of the studio with the Rebel MC gazing out at an indifferent crowd. A countdown clock. The Top of the Pops logo.

The picture stabilises on the title sequence countdown clock (backed by Bananarama singing Cruel Summer '89). Burned in text at the top of the screen reveals the title sequence is by The Moving Picture Company and at the bottom there's a telephone number; 01-434-3100 and another number 01 437-3885, which is identified as CAR. A carphone? How very eighties.

The countdown clock is held on screen at 10. Crowd noise begins to bleed through the Bananarama track.

Iain McLean: “Ugh. Looks like we're gonna start in a moment. Got themselves ready. All the technical hitches are out of the way. We can start our show. Sorry about that but bear with us like you have done throughout the rest of the show just get s... ooh.. ooh. It's all sticky. Ooh. What is that? Why is that? Cause there's stuff on it. [New 30 second clock appears on screen and starts counting going down] Alright. We're back again. You're lucky. You're gonna see it twice. People at home can only see it ONCE! YEAH! C'mon let's here you ch [audio cuts out]”.

 Titles.

 

Top of the Pops 22 June 1989

 

Words: Chris Arnsby

Simon Mayo: “Hi. Good evening. Welcome to Top of the Pops, on BBC1.”
Gary Davies: “And also on Radio 1FM in stereo. An action-packed programme tonight. In the studio we have the Bangles.”
Simon Mayo: “And Clannad.”
Gary Davies: “And D Mob.”
Simon Mayo: “And Beautiful South.”
Gary Davies: “But first to get us underway. Here's Living In A Box.”
Simon Mayo: “Number thirty seven. This is Gatecrashing.”
Gary Davies: “Woo!”