Top of the Pops 21 December 1989

 Words: Chris Arnsby

 Anthea Turner: “Hello. Good evening and welcome to the very last chart Top of the Pops before that Christmas spectacular.”

Bruno Brookes: “Yup, absolutely. Bros and Sonia and a brand new number one coming later. First of all a climber of ten places to number thirty here are the FPI Project going Back To Their Roots.”

 [30] F.P.I. PROJECT present RICH IN PARADISE: going back to my roots. The hosts introducing the show from the Crow's Nest! Quantel transitions used as part of the performance! No. Paul Ciani isn't back but it's odd how much Stanley Appel decides to ape his preferred format for the final “real” Top of the Pops. (The next two are the Christmas Day show and a look back at the eighties.)

There's not much else Stanley Appel can do. The F.P.I. PROJECT* are two dancing ladies and three oiks pretending to play keyboards**. Surely those ladies will start singing soon, I thought. But they don't. If Stanley Appel wants a bit of visual excitement during this performance then he has no option except to allow for the pressing of the FORBIDDEN BUTTONS by Dave Jervis (Video Effects) and Carol Abbott (Vision Mixer). It works. The assorted picture spins and freeze frames add life to what is otherwise a bit of a dull tune. Then some diabolical fiend starts leading the studio audience in massed “woo, yeahs!” And I tune out.

This is when I notice the main stage has been set up wrong again. The two wings of the stage have been placed about a metre back to allow the central column to stand by itself. This first happened on the 30/11/1989 edition but it went back to normal the following week. I am confused. Checking back I realise it was also set up “wrong” last week for Wet Wet Wet's performance. And I have to confess I didn't notice because my finger fell on the Fast Forward button when Nicky Campbell introduced Broke Away. Maybe I should introduce a Fast Forward of the Week category as well.

Anyway. Time to make amends. What seems to have happened is that Stanley Appel directed the main stage be set up with this new arrangement for the 30/11/1989 show. Brian Whitehouse then didn't get the memo in time for the 07/12/1989 edition. And when Stanley Appel returned,14/12/1989, he made sure it was installed correctly.

*POP LIE: F.P.I. stands for Federal Pureau of Investigation.

** The middle one of the oiks is actually pretending to mix records but clarifying that made the sentence too cumbersome.

[31] DURAN DURAN: burning the ground. Promo VT. Duran Duran create a megamix of their own to try for a lick of that Jive Bunny pile of gold.

CHARTS FROM 40 TO 31.

[32] SONIA: listen to your heart. Oh god, no. Must resist urge to fast forward because Sonia is standing on a new stage. Mute.

The new stage is an odd, formless construction. There's usually some sort of design aesthetic even if it's just “More! Neon!” but I can't work out the theme for this set. Stage right at the top, a square duct-like object pokes forwards and reaching up to it is a flimsy-looking scaffold triangle, that looks like someone's forgotten to move a stepladder. Next, moving stage right to left, is a curved piece of clear perspex designed to look like a tube and that has a sort of fingerprint design projected on to it. The back of the stage is flat perspex, shaped to look like a curtain decorated with a paint-by-numbers-style design. Next, hanging from the ceiling, is a ripple-shaped piece of matt perspex with light projected to it. Finally, the closest thing this stage has to a defined edge is a vertical framework piece which reaches up and connects to the underside of the ripple-shape.

I don't get this stage. It's just there. As if the designer riffled through the set store and found half a dozen things and stacked them together until the bar opened. The one thing I do like, is the way the lights reflect off the ripple-shape, it makes it look like it is moving up and down.

This new set, which I am tempted to christen The Unfinished stage, replaces the Infinity stage -the one Rob and Raz and Leila K used last week. Did it get damaged in storage? What are the rules for building a new set? Is Stanley Appel, in his role as Producer and Director, just allowed to spend money on a new stage and throw the old one away? Does Paul Ciani get a say? Was he consulted? Obviously, I have no answers.

[25] DE LA SOUL: the magic number. Promo VT.

CHARTS FROM 30 TO 11

[26] SILVER BULLET: 20 seconds to comply. Promo VT.

BREAKERS:

[40] BON JOVI: living in sin

[39] BEAUTIFUL SOUTH: i'll sail this ship alone

[36] 49ERS: touch me

[34] ALL ABOUT EVE: december

[12] BROS: sister. Look at the lighting. Alan Jeffery colours the studio blue with red highlights to give the space depth and fill in edges and lines. There's also a white moving spotlight which sends in shafts of light from above and when the camera in is the correct position it gives almost an underwater effect.

TOP 10

[1] BAND AID: do they know it's christmas? Promo VT. I'm writing this not long after the fuss over the 2024 mix which entirely omits this version. I'm not surprised. It's anaemic. To misquote the Pet Shop Boys, poverty and starvation to a disco beat.

 Performance of the week: F.P.I. Project present Rich In Paradise, Going Back to my Roots