“Hello. Welcome to Europe's number one TV pop show this is Top of the Pops and
a moment of broadcasting history as I stand one inch taller than my
co-presenter Sybil Ruscoe.”
Sybil Ruscoe: “Thank you very much shorty. Good evening. No competition for them this week. Brother Beyond.”
Bruno Bookes: “... [inaudible]... get this, brilliant.”
It's a shame
Sybil Ruscoe's first song is this. Nathan Moore's dancing is still all over the
place, literally, he still looks like he's trying to move all his bodily parts
simultaneously, and he's added a new move. Occasionally he clutches at his
stomach with one hand. A gesture which suggests he overdid some undercooked
shellfish in the BBC canteen. No wonder the crowd keeps shrieking.
FERRY: let's stick together. On
film, which means it must the original 1976 promo.
TOP 40 FROM
40 TO 31.
BECK: first time. It's
about this time during Top of the Pops that I like to crack open a
bottle of Pepsi Max. Mmm! That Pepsi flavour it just tastes better. And what
greater song to enjoy alongside an ice cold Pepsi (or now, new, diet Pepsi, the
taste of a fresh generation) than Robin Beck's First Time, which started out as
a mouldy old Coke advert. Coke gives you scabies. If you drink too much Coke
you get sick and you die. You know who drinks Coke? Commies. Commies drink
Coke. Drink Pepsi and keep America free from infestation by Commies and
Robin Beck has
arrived at Television Centre dressed as DC's Zatanna, for reasons which never
become clear. But DC always was Coke to Marvel's all-triumphant all-American
Pepsi. I've carefully checked Robin's performance for subversion and subliminal
Coke adverts and scabies, and I think it's all clear.
7-Up is an acceptable alternative but not, and I can't stress this enough,
Fanta. (Paid promotion).
BREAKERS: [22 SALT 'N' PEPA TWIST AND SHOUT]; [18 INXS need you tonight].
DE BURGH: missing you. It's
the human incarnation of Panda Pops Cola flavour, that's been left in the boot
of a car for a couple of hours in the sun.
40 FROM 30 TO 11.
DEACON BLUE: real gone kid. Sorry Deacon Blue. You are this week's entry in the “I haven't got
anything to say about this song,” column. I'll use this space to note that Tony
Newman is once again Director while Brian Whitehouse is the Producer.
Newman wants to zoom in on Bruno Brookes and Sybil Ruscoe as they introduce the
Top 10. Unfortunately he starts on a really wide shot which reveals the pair
marooned on a rostrum with a few audience members around them, as if the studio
is flooding and the survivors have headed for high ground.
ENYA: orinoco flow. A repeat of the 20/10/1988 performance.
 PRINCE: i wish u heaven. Donny Osmond “gatecrashes” the Top of the Pops studio. He's got a single out. As is traditional for Top of the Pops the ten second chat is terrible, and runs like this:
Brookes: “We've got a gatecrasher here in the name of Donny Osmond.”
Donny Osmond: “Hey, hey, I'm not a gatecrasher.”
Bruno Brookes: “That single of yours. Is it going to be in the Top 40 next week?”
Donny Osmond: “If It's Love That You Want”
Bruno Brookes: “Erm. Please not on Top of the Pops at the moment.”
exchange really demonstrates Bruno Brookes charisma and comic timing. Gary
Davies and Susie Mathis next week. Who is Susie Mathis? Stay tuned!
(John- I therefore declare Bryan Ferry to be the winner even if he was on film from twelve years earlier.)