29/07/2021

Top of the Pops Double Bill! 17th and 23rd July 1986

Presented by Chris Arnsby. 17 July: [14] Steve Winwood: Higher Love. Mike Smith. “Good evening and welcome to Top of the Pops from Television Centre in London. Let's start this week's show with a man at number fourteen in the charts. It's Steve Winwood and Higher Love”.

This Mike Smith show went unrepeated on BBC4 because of his never resolved contract dispute with the BBC. It's an off-air recorded in 1986 and it hasn't gone through the modern photosensitive epilepsy compliance process. Maybe I was tired when I watched this episode but it felt particularly hard on the eyes. Steve Winwood appears on the main Top of the Pops stage; the one with the hideous new (ish) neon logo to stage left. The space behind this stage is where the Floor Manager sometimes arranges Cheerleaders but on this occasion they've been replaced by a couple of spinning light poles. When the light poles shine directly into the camera the entire picture whites out and the abrupt change in contrast from the normal dark, smokey studio is noticeable.

I don't recall previous Mike Smith episodes being this squint-inducing. Maybe the studio is a bit darker than usual, or there's more smoke, or maybe this episode has been encoded differently; who knows. It's the first time I've noticed and been grateful for the process which reduces the contrast of the BBC4 repeats. I don't normally need to watch Top of the Pops with a paracetamol chaser. It turns out my nan was right. Too much telly really is bad for my eyes.

 


Mike Smith. “Ah, he's got a great album as well. First disaster of the night. I've just ripped a big hole in my trousers and you're not going to see it. Here's UB40 at number six this week on video, Sing Our Own Song”.

[6] UB40: Sing Our Own Song. On video, as the man said.

[10] Chris De Burgh: Lady In Red. Reader, I've failed you. I've sat through The Dooleys. I've sat through Chas 'n' Dave. I've sat through Clare and Friends. I cannot listen to Chris De Burgh. I hate this song and I will not run the risk of it becoming an earworm, not even a temporary one. And what will the neighbours think if they here this drivel oozing through the wall? They'll think I've lost my mind. (John- It was the percussion I always hated) The best I can offer is to watch this performance on mute, with one of my fingers* obscuring Chris De Burgh's face so I don't accidentally lip read. Brace yourself. I'm going in. I'm back. What have I learned? Chris De Burgh appears on the Beezlebub stage, which seems appropriate. This week the pentagrams are obscured with jets of dry ice.

Top 40 Charts:

Top 40 Breakers: [31] Cock Robin, The Promise You Made; [30] Robert Palmer, I Didn't Mean To Turn You On; [24] Hollywood Beyond, What's The Colour Of Money?



[17] Stan Ridgway: Camouflage. “Does he mean it, or is he taking the mick?” Mike Smith seems baffled by the concept of Camouflage. It seems like a fairly straight performance of a spooky story ballad, so I'm not sure what Mike is getting at here. Unless it's a running joke carried over from his Radio One Breakfast Show.

Stan Ridgway is on the Fan stage, which made it's first appearance last week; this time someone has remembered to make the background lights flash. The stage has been draped in camouflage (obviously) and there's a shop dummy dressed up in an appropriate uniform although I think the trousers might be wrong. Let's hope Stan Ridgeway brought it along himself, rather than it being a wardrobe mistake by someone at the BBC.

“We'll have a chat with him later,” promises Mike Smith, teasing one of those in-depth ten second interviews for which the show is notorious. (John -If he’s camouflaged they might not find him to interview)

Top 10 Charts.

[1] Madonna: Papa Don't Preach. On video.

[3] Sly Fox: Let's Go All The Way. The interview with Stan Ridgeway passes in mutual incomprehension. Mike Smith won't let go of this idea that Stan Ridgeway is “taking the mick.” Does he think Stan Ridgeway has claimed Camouflage is based on a true story? Let's hope Smitty never read the 2000AD story Fiends of the Eastern Front.  (John- The interesting thing about the Sly Fox single is that it’s not about what you think it is, its actually about disillusionment with politicians. But who is Simonini? Sly Fox’s next single was about a llama. It wasn’t a hit and they were off to the dumper)

Next week Top of the Pops is live on Wednesday with Gary Davies and the lesser-spotted Peter Powell.

The credits still roll against a blurred close-up of purple and blue neon scenery, and the drop shadow used last week has gone.

Performance of the Week:  Mick Ridgway, Camouflage.

 *the finger is horizontal, not vertical, for anyone who thinks I would be crass enough to make an obscene gesture in my parlour.



23 July: [8] Hollywood Beyond: What's The Colour Of Money? Gary Davies. “On the day of the Royal Wedding welcome to a live Top of the Pops and here to start us off, Hollywood Beyond.” The day of the Royal Wedding. What are your memories of that glorious July event? Mine are that when the wedding was announced everyone immediately wondered if there would be a Bank Holiday and lost interest when it turned out there wouldn't. (John- In case you were wondering it was Andrew and Fergie’s wedding this refers to.)

Fans of Royalty and calendar aficionados will remember* that 23rd July 1986 was a Wednesday, not a Thursday. Has Top of the Pops been shifted to provide musical accompaniment to the day's nuptials? No, it's been shifted to avoid XIII Commonwealth Games: The Opening Ceremony a live event which sits in an immovable bulk between Thursday's Six O'Clock News and the Nine O'Clock News. Don't worry, BBC2 steps up to fill the entertainment void with a repeat of a 1961 Western and a documentary about plastic bullets. Dad, can we buy a video?

I was going to round this off by asking, why I remember the Pogues cover of this song but not the original? Except, apparently no one else remembers the Pogues cover. It's fallen out of the collective memory (Google and Wikipedia). What's going on? If you remember The Pogues cover of What's The Colour Of Money then please in the name of sanity, please email John. Make the subject of your email “I remember The Pogues cover of What's The Colour Of Money?

Meanwhile, what's the least rewarding job on tonight's edition? Actually there's a couple of choices, but choice one has two be the two shirtless blokes who wave red flags during the instrumental break. They're actually on stage for the whole performance and spend the first two minutes of the song hiding by holding the flags tight in front of them, like pop-up banners. Their arms must be killing them.

 Peter Powell. “A fresh! Bright! New! Exciting! Band! Hit the charts in Britain! Hollywood Beyond making their debut on the Pops! What's the Colour! Of Moneeeey?!”

Gary Davies. “Yeeeeah We are live today. Also we have Heywood, Audrey Hall, and a lovely lady on video right now. At number sixteen in the charts. Here's Sinitta, So Macho.”

 

[16] Sinitta: So Macho. Gary Davies has been given a small plastic Union Flag to wave while Peter Powell natters away and invents a new form of punctuation. He looks as happy as a dog with two tails. Sinitta is on video. How come I remember the Pogues cover of So Macho... (sniiip)

[19] Audrey Hall: Smile. Gary's flag has been taken away. Desolation. Burbling on about Sinitta and the Royal Wedding will help with the pain. “We've all got Royal Wedding fever here,” he says, turning to a young woman on his left, “did you see the wedding?” “I did”, she replies. “You enjoy it,” he follows up. “Tremendous, a brilliant atmosphere.” “Great,” says Davies vacantly. He's plainly about to chance his arm and ask if he can have the young woman's flag when his train of though is derailed by a shriek in his earpiece from Producer and Director Brian Whitehouse, who reminds him to stick to the running order. “Did...did you cry?” he asks and follows this up with a pre-scripted adlib, “don't cry whatever you do now, just smile because over here we've got Audrey Hall...” And with the running order and Brian Whitehouse briefly satisfied, Gary can wander off to try and find another flag.

Audrey Hall has been sent to the Beezlebub stage. Now that it's diabolic pentagrams are (mostly) obscured behind waterfalls of dry ice and a few flimsy bits of perspex it's obviously become the preferred stage for the second performance of the show.



Top 40 Charts. There's some odd staging for the link into the charts. Peter Powell slouches against the side of the set in profile, apparently unable to tear his gaze away from Davies who has the dropped shoulders and body language of a man who once briefly knew joy.

[11] Robert Palmer: I Didn't Mean To Turn You On. On video.

Top 40 Breakers. [30] Spandau Ballet, Fight For Ourselves; [25] Five Star, Find The Time; [20] The Jesus & Mary Chain, Some Candy Talking.

[14] Haywoode, Roses. Peter Powell goes solo to introduce Haywoode. He's joined by “a couple of friends come along tonight.” It's two Cheerleaders wearing frightening rubber Andrew and Fergie masks. Thankless job two of the evening.

Top 10 Charts. More Royal Wedding banter as Gary Davies pretends to be on the phone to “Sarah and Andrew.” It's so odd to hear Fergie referred to by her proper name that I had a momentary disconnect where I couldn't work out who Gary meant.

[1] Madonna: Papa Don't Preach. On video.

[33] Katrina & The Waves, Sun Street. No flag for Gary, a small plastic Union Flag hat will have to do instead. The Sarah and Andrew caricatures leer into the camera while Gary Davies nearly fumbles taking off his hat, and jamming it onto Andy's head.

Janice Long and Mike Read will be your hosts for next week. Background to closing titles watch: still the same close-up of blue and purple neon.
Performance of the Week: Hollywood Beyond: What's The Colour Of Money?

*and those who saw Mike Smith's announcement at the end of the previous week's edition.

 

 

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