Top of the Pops 28th March 1991

 Words: Chris Arnsby

 Bruno Brookes: “Hello, good evening, and welcome to the world’s number one music show. This is Top of the Pops. Hope you’re well. Okay it’s a Minogue who’s going to start us off on the show tonight, this record has already been number four in [adopts hilarious Aussie accent] Australia, and Love and Kisses of course is produced by the wonderful Danni Minogue.”

 [31] DANNI MINOGUE: LOVE AND KISSES. Is this a new set, or just a rearranged Triangle Stage? I think it’s the latter. The main omission is the big perspex cross, seen to good effect in Feargal Sharkey’s performance last week. David Lock has also slung three tightly-packed rows of horizontal lights over the top of the stage. This gives it the appearance of having a fixed roof, whereas before the top was open. It’s really surprising how a couple of very minor changes can have a big effect on the look. 

Another change, the big perspex Christmas Tree thing, that hung to the left of the Triangle stage, has gone. It was there for the 14/03/1991 show but I couldn’t tell you if it was next to Feargal Sharkey last week because Paul Ciani kept the camera angles very tight and didn’t give me a good look at the surrounding studio. This will require further investigation.

[10] THE BEE GEES: SECRET LOVE. Promo VT.

[25] GARY CLAIL ON-U SOUND SYSTEM: HUMAN NATURE. A very strange song, part dance track part being hectored by a street preacher on your way to Kwik Save. There are three people on stage, a keyboard player, Gary Clail (who looks like he needs a really good night’s sleep), and another person who stands with their back to the camera.

The third person is Lanah P (appearing here under the name Alan Pellay). It looks like Lanah P is the subject of a complicated joke about camera angles and the best place to stand in order to be seen on TV, until they turn with a flamboyant gesture and sing “let the carnival begin, every pleasure, every sin.” Lanah P gets their own handheld camera shot which allows them to point and gaze disdainfully down at the viewer.

David Lock lights the stage in patriotic shades of red, white, and blue. He repeats a trick from last week and has two bright floor lights shining up at 45 degrees and casting thick parallel lines through the smoke, while the sweeping white spotlights adding a stadium feel to the performance.

No Quantel effects. This is odd. I’d have expected some sort of video feedback on the “human nature” line, with its complicated echo effect.

CHARTS: New entries, climbers, and non-movers, from 40-13.

[13] SNAP: SNAP MEGA MIX: Promo VT. Snap are after some of that sweet, sweet, Jive Bunny cash.

Top of the Pops don’t play the whole promo. They start about 1 minute 20 seconds in, and play a segment covering The Power and Cult of Snap. Skipping Oops Up and Mary Had A Little Boy.

[7] JAMES: SIT DOWN. About six years ago I worked with a guy who told me he was going to see his favourite band. “James,” he told me, and seeking to fill any potentially awkward pause, I said “oh, the Sit Down band.” I can still remember the look of pain on his face as he politely pointed out they had done other songs.

[24] SCRITTI POLITTI/ SHABBA RANKS: SHE’S A WOMAN. Promo VT.

[22] DEFINITION OF SOUND: WEAR YOUR LOVE LIKE HEAVEN. Singers Kevin Clark and Don Weekes have worked out an elaborate routine to cover the introduction, which starts with them standing back to back, and then jumping forwards and spinning through 180 degrees, and again, and again. The pair look like a couple of kids mucking around and playing Top of the Pops in front of the TV set, and I’m instantly won over because it’s oddly charming. What follows is an energetic performance with lots a good handheld camera work. It’s nothing groundbreaking but it works really well.

[29] THE ROLLING STONES: HIGHWIRE. Promo VT.

TOP 10

[1] CHESNEY HAWKES: THE ONE AND ONLY. Chesney Hawkes also appears on the refurbished Triangle Stage, he was on the same stage for 14/03/1991 edition. I went back to check and realised the big perspex cross was also missing on that occasion. I didn’t notice at the time because David Lock had really turned the lights down.

[32] JIVE BUNNY AND THE MASTERMIXERS: OVER TO YOU JOHN (HERE WE GO AGAIN). Here we go again indeed. Promo VT. Who is still buying this awful product, and why? If you brought a Jive Bunny single please leave a comment and justify yourself.

Bruno Brookes wishes the viewers at home a very happy Easter, because in 1991 the next day was Good Friday. This at least explains the egg references in the dire animation at the start of the video. Someone made the Easter/bunny connection and decided to spend £1 of the £2.50 animation budget tying the video into the season. Gary Davies next week.

Countdown to Year Zero revamp: 28

Ratings: Easter gives Top of the Pops a ratings boost and the programme makes the Top Thirty for the second time in 1991. [25] 7.64 million, compared to [28] 7.35 million in 1990.

Performance of the week:  Gary Clail On-U Sound System, Human Nature, AND Definition of Sound, Wear Your Love Like Heaven.