Top of the Pops 7th March 1991

 Words: Chris Arnsby

Nicky Campbell: “Oh, tonight’s Top of the Pops, let me tell you, is one of dazzling lustre and it’s a rare privilege to introduce to you to rock and roll megaliths, two living legends, two demi-gods, two super heroes, two big hairy bottomed, stonkermongers, Hale and Pace.”

 [10] HALE & PACE & THE STONKERS: THE STONK. Nicky Campbell is once again picked to be the host of the Comic Relief edition. Last time, 09/03/1989, he was joined by Lenny Henry and Hale & Pace, as The Management. This time The Management are onstage but Campbell’s overcooked introduction kills any opportunity for humour well in advance.

Is The Stonk a good song? Probably not. The trouble is, in 1991 I was a jaded 19 year old; exactly the wrong age to like it. Conversely, when The Chicken Song came out in 1984, or Living Doll by Cliff Richard and The Young Ones, I was exactly the right age to find them hilarious. My opinion of The Stonk was coloured by my memories of those singles and the Comic Relief nights of 1988 and 1989. “Comic Relief has gone crap,” was more or less my contemporary capsule review. I just can’t judge The Stonk fairly. Instead I watched this stony-faced and joylessly noted that on the line “upside down if you think you’re a bat,” Top of the Pops couldn’t even fully invert the picture.

Anyway, Nicky Campbell is more than usually unbearable for the rest of this edition because he feels he’s been given licence to prove he’s the funniest person in the studio. I think Campbell might be Paul Ciani’s greatest mistake. I’ve got a lot of time for the Producer & Director and I think he frequently gets overlooked by people who want to talk about Michael Hurll or Stanley Appel (for wildly different reasons). However, it’s clear Paul Ciani really likes Nicky Campbell and overindulges him, and encourages him to go off on these verbal rambles despite the fact that the same effect could be achieved by filming the pages of a thesaurus blowing in the wind.

[20] ROCKY V/JOEY B. ELLIS: GO FOR IT! Promo VT.

[21] QUARTZ/DINA CARROLL: IT’S TOO LATE. David Lock goes for a minimal lighting setup on the Neon Stage. He’s turned off all the neon, for starters. He uses subtle lighting to highlight edges, and the big perspex boxes are gently illuminated from within, which makes them look like they are filled with smoke. It looks really good, and I like the way the rotation of lighting directors keeps the same old studio space looking fresh.

CHARTS: New entries and climbers only, from 40-14.

[14] LIVING COLOUR: LOVE REARS IT’S UGLY HEAD. Promo VT. I’m not sure that apostrophe should be there in the caption.

[16] NED’S ATOMIC DUSTBIN: HAPPY. More experiments in darkness from David Lock. He’s barely lighting the scenery which makes Top of the Pops look like it’s coming from a limitless black space, rather than an obvious studio. He’s almost taken the look of the studio back to the pre-1000th edition black void set and the days before the redesign of the studio with more defined walls.

TOP 5 FEBRUARY ALBUMS

[5] GEORGE MICHAEL: Listen Without Prejudice Vol 1. Promo VT for Freedom

[4] ELTON JOHN: The Very Best Of Elton John. Promo VT for Healing Hands.

[3] CHRIS ISAAK: Wicked Game: Promo VT for Wicked Game.

[2] GLORIA ESTEFAN: Into The Light. Promo VT for Coming Out Of The Dark.

[1] QUEEN: Innuendo. Promo VT for Innuendo.

[7] XPANSIONS: MOVE YOUR BODY (ELEVATION). BBC VT from 21/02/1991.

[18] ROXETTE: JOYRIDE. Nicky Campbell is up in the Crows Nest to introduce Roxette. Paul Ciani reuses a camera angle round the back of the Main Stage, first seen on the 14/02/1991 show. Previously Paul Ciani got from the host to the band with a leisurely track across the studio this time he uses a fast whip pan.

TOP 10

[1] THE CLASH: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO. Promo VT.

[15] THE CHARLATANS: OVER RISING. Promo VT. Simon Mayo hosts next week.

 Countdown to Year Zero revamp: 30*

Ratings: Another week of not being in the BBC1 Top 30, so Top of the Pops rated less than the 8.24 million who watched the Thursday edition of The Six O’Clock News. The weather has clearly got better because a million viewers have disappeared from the number [30] programme. Last week Holiday ‘91 got 9.34 million.

 Performance of the week:  Quartz/Dina Carroll, It’s Too Late.

 *Last week was 33, clearly my maths has gone wrong somewhere. My inability to maintain an accurate countdown is one of the reasons I’m no longer employed by NASA.