Top of the Pops 14th and 21st March 1991

 Words: Chris Arnsby

14/03/1991

Simon Mayo: “Good evening. Welcome to Top of the Pops. A stonking [points at red nose attached to microphone] good edition we have today. Gonna start at number eighteen with a guy who’s never been on the show before. Back in the sixties his dad was on the whole time, he was Chip Hawkes from the Tremeloes. Here’s his son Chesney, the one and only. This week’s number eighteen. Go for it Ches…”

 [18] CHESNEY HAWKES: THE ONE AND ONLY. It’s Red Nose Day Eve, 1991. The night before the funnest day of the year. I hope you were ready to be pushed down a hill in a bath of trifle for charity. Everyone in the studio, well nearly everyone, is doing their bit wearing the 1991 brand red noses with little hands coming off the side.

I like the way David Lock opts to light Chesney Hawkes and friends with white spotlights that really make them stand out from the purple and blue lighting scheme, and the vast areas of darkness in the studio. Apart from that, I have little to say about the first act of the evening. (John- It is obligatory to mention that this song was written by Nik Kershaw and that this was indeed Ches' one and only hit)

[19] R.E.M.: LOSING MY RELIGION. Promo VT. Simon Mayo makes big play out of not being able to reveal the details of a “secret gig” R.E.M. are playing in London. Well, I think the Official Secret Act no longer applies. It was at the Borderline and R.E.M. appeared under the pseudonym of Bingo Hand Job.

[14] RIDE: UNFAMILIAR. During Simon Mayo’s introduction for Ride, the bloke standing next to him has trouble with his red nose. It slips off, although this doesn’t lessen the enthusiasm of the bloke who whoops with excitement at the chance to see Ride.

The Triangle Stage hosts Ride, and check out what David Lock has done with the big perspex starburst element. He’s very carefully avoided lighting the sides of the thing, not easy because it’s massive, and pours flashing yellow light on to the front. The result is a giant X-shape that flares and looks like the confluence of four yellow lasers.

CHARTS: New entries and climbers only, from 40-12. I thought I’d spotted a new addition to the Chart Countdown this week, a small caption above the artist photo to tell the viewer if the song is a New Entry, or Non Mover, or how many places its gone up. It turns out this isn’t new at all. It’s been in place since 07/02/1991. Oops.

[22] THE BEE GEES: SECRET LOVE. Promo VT. “Cor, doesn’t this sound like Chain Reaction, by Diana Ross,” I thought. It turns out The Bee Gees also wrote Chain Reaction so this clever bit of recycling is probably okay.

[24] QUEEN: I’M GOING SLIGHTLY MAD. Promo VT.

[13] MASSIVE: UNFINISHED SYMPATHY. BBC VT from the 28/02/1991 edition. Lenny Henry shows up, wearing his red nose jacket to hype up the forthcoming day. He and Simon Mayo have worked out a bit where Mayo deliberately remains stony-faced through Lenny Henry’s link, which he manages right up to the end when he corpses spectacularly. It is genuinely a sweet and human moment.

[20] ROD STEWART: RHYTHM OF MY HEART. Promo VT.

[25] HAPPY MONDAYS: LOOSE FIT. I remain fascinated by Paul Ciani’s treatment of Bez, who lopes along happily behind Shaun Ryder. It’s not just that Bez doesn’t get a single close up, when everyone else does. It’s that the direction appears to go out of its way to chop Bez out of the performance. Tracking shots will block him behind other band members, or be angled just enough to keep him out of the frame. It could be accidental but it happens so often it feels deliberate.

TOP TEN

[1] THE CLASH: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO. Promo VT.

[23] JESUS JONES: WHO? WHERE? WHY? BBC VT from 28/02/1991. Promo VT. Lenny Henry and Simon Mayo say goodnight amid an overexcited shrieking and waving crowd.

 Countdown to Year Zero revamp: 29

Ratings: I recently had a vague moment of revelation that the 1991 ratings would be more useful if I included the figures from the previous year for context. Here we go; the chart position is in the square brackets.

Review of the 80s (28/12/1989): [11] 12.38 million

04/01/1990: [16] 9.52

11/01/1990: [26] 8.46

18/01/1990: [24] 9.23

25/01/1990: [23] 8.81

01/02/1990: Not in top 30, less than 8.44

08/02/1990: [30] 8.18

15/02/1990: [23] 8.81

22/02/1990: [19] 9.21

01/03/1990: [20] 9.82

08/03/1990: [20] 8.96
Suddenly it’s clear why the BBC thought a revamp was needed. In twelve months, Top of the Pops has gone from being consistently in the Top 30 (and sometimes the Top 20) programmes of the week, to very rarely charting; only once so far in 1991, the week of 03/01/1991 with 8.42 million to put it at [25].

This week is no different. Top of the Pops is once again outside the Top 30 which means it rated less than the 8.08 million that watched the Thursday edition of the Six O’Clock News. The figures for the 15/03/1990 edition: [24] 8.21 million.

 Performance of the week: Happy Mondays, Loose Fit.

21/03/1991

Anthea Turner: “Hallo there! And welcome to this special live edition of Top of the Pops! On BBC1 and Radio 1 in FM stereo! Tonight the emphasis is on talent! So lets start off the way we that mean to go on! With Boy George, number twenty seven, Jesus Loves You, Bow Down Mister!”

[27] JESUS LOVES YOU: BOW DOWN MISTER. Boy George ends up with a wrong caption courtesy of Video Caption Artist Rosina Reilly. The format is supposed to be TOP LINE, NAME then BOTTOM LINE, SONG but here the song title spreads over two lines. Or does it? A quick check of the internet reveals Jesus Loves You to be a band formed by Boy George after his solo career began to splutter. I blame Anthea Turner’s ambiguous introduction for my confusion.

Boy George has packed the stage with sari wearing backing singers. It makes for quite the spectacle. They are all barefoot, which gives me pause. I’m not sure I’d want to pick my way across the filthy studio floor without shoes. Also, they’ve made a right mess of the stage. One of them keeps chucking stuff in the air. I’m not sure what it is. It might be dried flowers.

All this spectacle goes for nothing because my attention is caught by the smallest backing singer. She has trouble keeping time with the leaping at the end, and soon she’s going right as everyone else goes left, and so on. Then she appears to get a bit tired and has to put her arms down. Luckily she gets her puff back by the end of the song and manages to leap in time with everyone else.

[13] SIMPLE MINDS: LET THERE BE LOVE. Promo VT.

[20] BANDERAS: THIS IS YOUR LIFE. I don’t tend to talk about the captions much any more. They’ve reached a reasonable technical standard and a degree of consistency beyond the terrible homemade captions Top of the Pops had to use when the Cypher system was withdrawn after the 19/04/1990 edition. This caption is notable enough to deserve comment. On to the screen drops a little red book emblazoned with the words THIS IS YOUR LIFE. The book opens and the chart caption flies out. Well played.

CHARTS: New entries and climbers only, from 39-12.

[8] QUARTZ/DINA CARROLL: IT’S TOO LATE. BBC VT, repeat from 07/03/1991.

[7] PET SHOP BOYS: WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME. Promo VT.

BREAKERS

[29] DEFINITION OF SOUND: WEAR YOUR LOVE LIKE HEAVEN

[32] SCRITTI POLLITTI/SHABBA RANKS: SHE’S A WOMAN

[34] JANE’S ADDICTION: BEEN CAUGHT STEALING

[23] FEARGAL SHARKEY: I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU. David Lock excels himself. What he’s done with the lighting is very simple but looks amazing. Everything is lit blue, and there’s a white spotlight on Feargal Sharkey, and a couple of incredibly intense white lights which cast focused beams through the studio smoke. At the risk of using a prissy word, the result is ethereal. Look, here’s a picture. Good isn’t it.

[4] ROXETTE: JOYRIDE. BBC VT, repeated from 07/03/1991 again. It takes a while for Vision Mixer Sue Collins to fade to the Roxette videotape. This leaves the viewer at home staring at Anthea Turner’s shoulder and back for several seconds because she’s done the traditional turn-and-pretend-to-watch-the-band move. Except, she turns the wrong way. Roxette were on the Film Strip stage and Anthea Turner turns back to face the Pyramid Stage, where Feargal Sharkey has just performed. Is nobody in the studio paying attention to the fine details!

TOP 10

[1] HALE & PACE AND THE STONKERS: THE STONKER. Yes, the song is apparently called The Stonker now. Not, The Stonk. Is nobody in the studio paying attention to the fine details!

The performance is intercut with bits of the video, as was the 07/03/1991 performance, but it runs slightly longer here. This is useful for Comic Relief archaeologists because its one of those videos packed with hilarious celebrity cameos but the only Youtube copy was uploaded in terrible quality and you can’t tell who anybody is; was that Nicholas “Rodney Plonker” Lyndhurst? We can add Lesley Joseph to the list of cameos. The video is also laid over the top of the screen at the end of the performance giving us a chance to see a curly haired bloke gazing wryly down the barrel of the camera; does anyone recognise him?

[26] MEGADETH. HANGER 18. Promo VT. Bruno Brookes next week.

 Countdown to Year Zero revamp: 28

Ratings: The Stage didn’t print any ratings information for this week, but the 22/03/1990 edition of Top of the Pops came in at [27] 7.40 million.

 Performance of the week: It’s probably Jesus Loves You, Bow Down Mister although I feel the need to give a thumbs up to Where The Streets Have No Name.