Top of the Pops 26 April 1990

 Words: Chris Arnsby

 Bruno Brookes: “Good evening. Yes, here they are, Britain's biggest hits in vision. This is Top of the Pops, Europe's biggest and most prestigious pop show. Hope you're well. We start off with a song which was a big hit for Odyssey all those years ago, it's now back in the top forty. Use it Up And Wear It Out with Pat and Mick.”

 [25] PAT AND MICK: Use It Up and Wear It Out. Use It Up And Wear It Out was a hit for Odyssey in the summer of 1980. I don't consider that to be “all those years ago” but Bruno Brookes clearly believes the Odyssey version was decoded from hieroglyphs found on the side of a pyramid; right next to the announcement of Alan Freeman's birth.

What's happened to the captions? They've gone all basic. A quick check of the closing titles (they look rubbish) reveals the caption for Cypher Graphics operator has been deleted. Has the Cyper caption machine been sabotaged by the Quantel Corporation? I hope they haven't broken David Ward's thumbs.

So what do we get instead of some animated effects? Well, the caption has gone back to how it used to look in pre-Cyper days, plus a graphic of the sun has been added behind the chart position. It flashes on and off. Woo! Yeah! As all the kool kids say.

About 15 members of the audience have been allowed to dance with Pat and Mick. Some of them are clearly ringers, no real Top of the Pops audience member would clap that well in time to a beat, but the woman in the red top behind Mick might well be a real member of the public. There's a lovely moment just after the bridge when, seized by dancing fever, she bends over and vigorously shakes her head from side to side, and then clearly regrets it. Afterwards she can be spotted standing with her hands on her back like Rigsby and an expression on her face that suggests she is regretting her most recent life choices; fortunately she makes a good recovery before the end of the song.

[30] NATALIE COLE: Wild Women Do. Promo VT.

CHARTS: 40 TO 31. Oh god. The chart captions look like they've been done by a Blue Peter competition winner. It's all flickering two frame animation, garish colours, and a weird graphical style which might be aiming for sixties retro but misses and hits amateurish.

[29] UNIQUE 3: Musical Melody. What the hell does Bruno Brookes think he's doing with the weird deep faux-American voice and the “yo! Unique 3, y'all” comment at the end of their performance? (John- In case you're wondering, because I was, Unique 3 are a rave band from Bradford. Even though this was the highest chart position they would reach, they carried on until at least 2016 and according to Wikipedia are still going!)

[3] PAULA ABDUL: Opposites Attract. Promo VT.

BREAKERS:

[34] ALL ABOUT EVE: Scarlet
[35] KID CREOLE & THE COCONUTS: The Sex Of It
[38] SINITTA: Hitchin' A Ride
[20] JESUS JONES: Real Real Real. BBC VT. Repeated from 12/04/1990.
CHARTS: 30 to 11
[26] PHIL COLLINS: Something Happened On The Way To Heaven. Promo VT.
[28] TONGUE 'N' CHEEK: Tomorrow. Another faintly baffling couple of comments from Bruno Brookes. During his introduction he says “check out the dance steps for this next band Tongue 'N' Cheek, I've seen you doing exactly the same thing.” And then coming out of the performance he says, “some real happening dance there.”

It could be written off as standard Top of the Pops crap-hosting but it seems a bit off; a bit of a dig. I could believe Bruno Brookes has been watching Nicky Campbell and frantically scribbling notes, as if he thinks that's how you should do it. Note to all future Top of the Pops hosts, it isn't.

TOP 10.

[1] MADONNA: Vogue. Promo VT.

[33] BRUCE DICKINSON: Tattooed Millionaire. Promo VT. Simon Mayo next week.

 Performance of the week: Unique 3, Musical Melody.