Top of the Pops 8 March 1990

 Words: Chris Arnsby
 Bruno Brookes: “Good evening. How are you? Welcome to your favourite fab pop show. This is Top of the Pops on a Thursday evening. Bros are in the studio a bit later on amongst Marc Almond live. First of all at number Five here is Guru Josh with a great song called Infinity 1990s Time For The Guru.”

 [5] GURU JOSH: INFINITY (1990's: TIME FOR THE GURU). Quantel transitions! Is anything more likely to get these reviews off to a worse start than me trying to describe via the medium of text why something has visual appeal? I might as well try to explain what a horse feels like to a man with no fingers.

Anyway. Something complicated has happened to the Quantel box. Previously the electronic effects have all been hard edged but here they've got a much softer appearance. Has someone invented the Blur filter? The result looks eerily liquid and makes the modified pictures almost flow across the screen.

Guru Josh and his mate appear by themselves this time. The ladies who danced like maniacs have been left at home. It doesn't really matter. Guru Josh does enough manic dancing and mugging at the camera for a multitude of people.

[24] GLORIA ESTEFAN: HERE WE ARE. Promo VT.

CHARTS: 40 TO 31

[8] J.T. AND THE BIG FAMILY: MOMENTS IN SOUL. Oh dear. J.T and the Big Family are three twits and a woman. The twits have not been able to decide on a look for the band and are mismatched. There's the keyboard player who's done up like one of The Timelords (the band not the bunch from Doctor Who). Then there's the long-haired one playing the guitar who squints at himself in the mirror and thinks he looks like Michael Bolton. Finally, at the back, there's the one who doesn't do anything except dance. He's come dressed as Ravy Davey Gravy (in a bid to get round the inevitable accusation of copyright infringement he's sneakily done it six years in advance of the first Viz strip).

Ravy Davey Gravy is wearing a white t-shirt illustrated with a fake tabloid front page. The headline says “remix virus takes over body & soul”.

[20] INNOCENCE: NATURAL THING. Promo VT.

[29] MARC ALMOND: A LOVER SPURNED. Marc Almod has heard that Guru Josh have left the four dancers at home, so he thinks he a shoe-in for the biggest band of the night award. A string quartet, a guitarist, and a woman who plays the trumpet for 20 seconds. Seven people on stage in all. Is it enough? Stay tuned.

Marc is seated on a tall bar-style chair, the string quartet are on matching regular chairs. Who brings the furniture? Does someone have to go rushing out to Green Assembly and grab something to sit on because Marc is complaining his feet hurt? Or did Marc Almond have to organise this himself and pick a set that would allow him to best show off his spectacular devil-red suit? Enquiring minds need to know.

CHARTS: 30 to 11

[12] ERASURE: BLUE SAVANNAH. Promo VT.

[17] DAVID A. STEWART featuring CANDY DULFER: LILY WAS HERE. Promo VT.

[15] BROS: MADLY IN LOVE. Bros take the stage with 10 people in total and Marc Almond leaves the studio disappointed.

TOP 10. Watch out for the second appearance in two weeks of J-n-th-n K-ng. He's front and centre of the chart photo for The Brits 1990 at [2].

[1] BEATS INTERNATIONAL featuring LINDY LAYTON: DUB BE GOOD TO ME. Promo VT.

[14] B52's: LOVE SHACK: Promo VT. Simon Mayo next week.

 Performance of the week: Marc Almond, A Lover Spurned.