Presented by Chris Arnsby. 17 July: [14] Steve Winwood: Higher Love. Mike Smith. “Good evening and welcome to Top of the Pops from Television Centre in London. Let's start this week's show with a man at number fourteen in the charts. It's Steve Winwood and Higher Love”.
This Mike Smith show went unrepeated on BBC4 because of his never resolved contract dispute with the BBC. It's an off-air recorded in 1986 and it hasn't gone through the modern photosensitive epilepsy compliance process. Maybe I was tired when I watched this episode but it felt particularly hard on the eyes. Steve Winwood appears on the main Top of the Pops stage; the one with the hideous new (ish) neon logo to stage left. The space behind this stage is where the Floor Manager sometimes arranges Cheerleaders but on this occasion they've been replaced by a couple of spinning light poles. When the light poles shine directly into the camera the entire picture whites out and the abrupt change in contrast from the normal dark, smokey studio is noticeable.
I don't recall previous
Mike Smith episodes being this squint-inducing. Maybe the studio is a bit
darker than usual, or there's more smoke, or maybe this episode has been
encoded differently; who knows. It's the first time I've noticed and been
grateful for the process which reduces the contrast of the BBC4 repeats. I
don't normally need to watch Top of the Pops with a paracetamol chaser.
It turns out my nan was right. Too much telly really is bad for my eyes.
Mike Smith. “Ah, he's
got a great album as well. First disaster of the night. I've just ripped a big
hole in my trousers and you're not going to see it. Here's UB40 at number six
this week on video, Sing Our Own Song”.
[6] UB40: Sing Our Own Song. On video, as the man said.
[10] Chris De Burgh: Lady
In Red.
Reader, I've failed you. I've sat through The Dooleys. I've sat through Chas
'n' Dave. I've sat through Clare and Friends. I cannot listen to Chris De
Burgh. I hate this song and I will not run the risk of it becoming an earworm,
not even a temporary one. And what will the neighbours think if they here this
drivel oozing through the wall? They'll think I've lost my mind. (John- It
was the percussion I always hated) The best I can offer is to watch this
performance on mute, with one of my fingers* obscuring Chris De Burgh's face so
I don't accidentally lip read. Brace yourself. I'm going in. I'm back. What
have I learned? Chris De Burgh appears on the Beezlebub stage, which seems
appropriate. This week the pentagrams are obscured with jets of dry ice.
Top 40 Charts:
Top 40 Breakers: [31] Cock Robin, The Promise
You Made; [30] Robert Palmer, I Didn't Mean To Turn You On; [24] Hollywood
Beyond, What's The Colour Of Money?
[17] Stan Ridgway:
Camouflage. “Does
he mean it, or is he taking the mick?” Mike Smith seems baffled by the concept
of Camouflage. It seems like a fairly straight performance of a spooky story
ballad, so I'm not sure what Mike is getting at here. Unless it's a running
joke carried over from his Radio One Breakfast Show.
Stan Ridgway is on the
Fan stage, which made it's first appearance last week; this time someone has
remembered to make the background lights flash. The stage has been draped in
camouflage (obviously) and there's a shop dummy dressed up in an appropriate
uniform although I think the trousers might be wrong. Let's hope Stan Ridgeway
brought it along himself, rather than it being a wardrobe mistake by someone at
the BBC.
“We'll have a chat with
him later,” promises Mike Smith, teasing one of those in-depth ten second
interviews for which the show is notorious. (John -If he’s camouflaged they
might not find him to interview)
Top 10 Charts.
[1] Madonna: Papa Don't
Preach.
On video.
[3] Sly Fox: Let's Go
All The Way.
The interview with Stan Ridgeway passes in mutual incomprehension. Mike Smith
won't let go of this idea that Stan Ridgeway is “taking the mick.” Does he
think Stan Ridgeway has claimed Camouflage is based on a true story? Let's hope
Smitty never read the 2000AD story Fiends of the Eastern Front. (John- The interesting thing about the Sly Fox
single is that it’s not about what you think it is, its actually about disillusionment
with politicians. But who is Simonini? Sly Fox’s next single was about a llama.
It wasn’t a hit and they were off to the dumper)
Next week Top of the
Pops is live on Wednesday with Gary Davies and the lesser-spotted Peter
Powell.
The credits still roll against a blurred close-up of purple and blue neon scenery, and the drop shadow used last week has gone.
Performance of the
Week: Mick Ridgway, Camouflage.
23 July: [8] Hollywood Beyond: What's The Colour Of Money? Gary Davies. “On the day of the Royal Wedding welcome to a live Top of the Pops and here to start us off, Hollywood Beyond.” The day of the Royal Wedding. What are your memories of that glorious July event? Mine are that when the wedding was announced everyone immediately wondered if there would be a Bank Holiday and lost interest when it turned out there wouldn't. (John- In case you were wondering it was Andrew and Fergie’s wedding this refers to.)
Fans of Royalty and
calendar aficionados will remember* that 23rd July 1986 was a
Wednesday, not a Thursday. Has Top of the Pops been shifted to provide
musical accompaniment to the day's nuptials? No, it's been shifted to avoid XIII
Commonwealth Games: The Opening Ceremony a live event which sits in an
immovable bulk between Thursday's Six O'Clock News and the Nine
O'Clock News. Don't worry, BBC2 steps up to fill the entertainment void
with a repeat of a 1961 Western and a documentary about plastic bullets. Dad,
can we buy a video?
I was going to round
this off by asking, why I remember the Pogues cover of this song but not the
original? Except, apparently no one else remembers the Pogues cover. It's
fallen out of the collective memory (Google and Wikipedia). What's going on? If
you remember The Pogues cover of What's The Colour Of Money then please in the
name of sanity, please email John. Make the subject of your email “I remember
The Pogues cover of What's The Colour Of Money?
Meanwhile, what's the
least rewarding job on tonight's edition? Actually there's a couple of choices,
but choice one has two be the two shirtless blokes who wave red flags during
the instrumental break. They're actually on stage for the whole performance and
spend the first two minutes of the song hiding by holding the flags tight in
front of them, like pop-up banners. Their arms must be killing them.
Gary Davies. “Yeeeeah
We are live today. Also we have Heywood, Audrey Hall, and a lovely lady on
video right now. At number sixteen in the charts. Here's Sinitta, So Macho.”
[16] Sinitta: So Macho. Gary Davies has been
given a small plastic Union Flag to wave while Peter Powell natters away and
invents a new form of punctuation. He looks as happy as a dog with two tails.
Sinitta is on video. How come I remember the Pogues cover of So Macho... (sniiip)
[19] Audrey Hall: Smile. Gary's flag has been
taken away. Desolation. Burbling on about Sinitta and the Royal Wedding will
help with the pain. “We've all got Royal Wedding fever here,” he says, turning
to a young woman on his left, “did you see the wedding?” “I did”, she replies.
“You enjoy it,” he follows up. “Tremendous, a brilliant atmosphere.” “Great,”
says Davies vacantly. He's plainly about to chance his arm and ask if he can
have the young woman's flag when his train of though is derailed by a shriek in
his earpiece from Producer and Director Brian Whitehouse, who reminds him to
stick to the running order. “Did...did you cry?” he asks and follows this up
with a pre-scripted adlib, “don't cry whatever you do now, just smile because
over here we've got Audrey Hall...” And with the running order and Brian
Whitehouse briefly satisfied, Gary can wander off to try and find another flag.
Audrey Hall has been
sent to the Beezlebub stage. Now that it's diabolic pentagrams are (mostly)
obscured behind waterfalls of dry ice and a few flimsy bits of perspex it's
obviously become the preferred stage for the second performance of the show.
Top 40 Charts. There's some odd
staging for the link into the charts. Peter Powell slouches against the side of
the set in profile, apparently unable to tear his gaze away from Davies who has
the dropped shoulders and body language of a man who once briefly knew joy.
[11] Robert Palmer: I
Didn't Mean To Turn You On. On video.
Top 40 Breakers. [30] Spandau Ballet, Fight
For Ourselves; [25] Five Star, Find The Time; [20] The Jesus
& Mary Chain, Some Candy Talking.
[14] Haywoode, Roses. Peter Powell goes solo
to introduce Haywoode. He's joined by “a couple of friends come along tonight.”
It's two Cheerleaders wearing frightening rubber Andrew and Fergie masks.
Thankless job two of the evening.
Top 10 Charts. More Royal Wedding
banter as Gary Davies pretends to be on the phone to “Sarah and Andrew.” It's
so odd to hear Fergie referred to by her proper name that I had a momentary
disconnect where I couldn't work out who Gary meant.
[1] Madonna: Papa Don't
Preach.
On video.
[33] Katrina & The
Waves, Sun Street.
No flag for Gary, a small plastic Union Flag hat will have to do instead. The
Sarah and Andrew caricatures leer into the camera while Gary Davies nearly
fumbles taking off his hat, and jamming it onto Andy's head.
Janice Long and Mike
Read will be your hosts for next week. Background to closing
titles watch: still the same close-up of blue and purple neon.
Performance of the
Week: Hollywood
Beyond: What's The Colour Of Money?
*and those who saw Mike Smith's announcement at the end of the previous week's edition.
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